Five kids - 5 & Under! (Missing Two kids Over 18!)

New Newer Newest!

There has been so much going on in our household that I could never write about everything! Many, many changes. Here are the highlights (& low lights if you are a pessimist):

Elliott Lochlyn Stever was born on May 30, 2011 weighing over 9 lbs! Healthy and beautiful. She had to be readmitted to the hospital for jaundice-related issues for a couple of days but recovered beautifully. She is a bright light in my life - the most perfect baby. Content, happy, smiling, healthy, expert breast feeder, etc.

Braylon's adoption was finally finalized after much stress, tears, financial hardship, and love on July 18, 2011. We are very blessed to have him in our lives. He is our only son and very special of course. He is just growing and learning and challenging everything I have ever known or felt about children. He is so smart and wonderful and challenging and stubborn and all 2 years old! His progress is amazing and ongoing. He will have surgery for hernia repairs in October of this year.

One of the main changes / challenges our family has faced is the loss of my job. Because of a ridiculous government, horrible ethics & morals, and a heart wrenching decision to put my children first, I am now a stay-at-home mom. These are my opinions of course, so please do not get overly upset by my adjectives. I have worked outside of the home since I was 16 years old. I am now 42 years old and trying to learn how all of these amazing women - mostly younger than me - do this job! It is the most challenging, difficult, tiring, wonderful, blessed, amazing thing I have ever done. Economically, we have been challenged more than any time in our lives. It has been terrifying at times. Food, clothing, housing, health insurance - these are things that so many of us take for granted. I do not any longer. Thank God for a hardworking husband and father. My husband has found work and never stopped providing. He immediately took on the role of sole breadwinner and has worked so hard day and night. You know, I woke up this morning and discovered something wonderful: This Halloween I will not worry about what day trick or treating falls on so that I can hurry my work to be finished early and rush home at 5 pm. This year I will not worry about getting Thanksgiving and the following Friday off - I will be home to cook and teach my children how to make dressing. This year I will be able to finally do Christmas crafts with my children. I can enjoy and savor the week of Christmas. I can read about the birth of baby Jesus to them. I can take my time the days following Christmas morning and clean up slowly. I can BE with my family.

None of these thoughts and feelings and opinions are in any way judging working moms - I have always been a working mom. I am just absolutely so blessed to be able to attempt to run this household and raise my children and be a wife to my husband. I would not change a thing.

New Valentine's Day Thoughts

I am one of THOSE people - I have never liked Valentine's Day. Not when I was a child, not as a teenager, not as a single woman, not as a married woman. I made exceptions for my kids but was still not really "on board" with the whole concept. Personally, I would rather be told "I love you" and say, "I love you" any other day of the year. For no reason in particular. But.....

This year I am especially and deeply thankful for my husband and children. My husband is hands-down the greatest man I know. It is a privilege and an honor to be his wife. I would not change one thing about him because even his imperfections make him who he is. I still look at him and my heart melts. We are so connected that I would feel incomplete without him. I know, I know......do people really feel this deeply about one another anymore? Well I am here to tell you - yes!

I am also so blessed by all of my children. I always feel great love for them. However, this Valentine's Day, I am so blessed and fortunate to have 6 beautiful children and one on the way - a total of 7 mighty blessings! Babies ranging in age from 22 years to 22 weeks in utero! It is amazing to be a mother - something I have been for a long time. It is, by far, my greatest accomplishment and my greatest source of joy and pain.

So, this year I will actually celebrate the dreaded "Valentine's Day" because of the blessing of my family. To all of you, I love you unconditionally and forever with a love as deep as any ocean!

Still On Our Journey

We are still still on our adoption journey! Now that Braylon has been placed with us since October, we are in the process of finalizing his adoption - making it legal. Our family has settled in to doctor appointments, therapy appointments, feeding issues, medical equipment, and changing personalities. We are all doing a good job in my opinion. It is not what we expected really, but we had no idea what to expect, so.........

The beginning of our time together consisted mainly of caretaking. I think that was harder on me as a mother than it was for my husband. He opened my eyes one day by telling me, "Welcome to a father's world honey!" And he could not have been more right! Coming from a first-time adoptive mother who already had five biological daughters, this was a totally new experience. I am having to CREATE a bond with my new son. This has not been a simple task, especially with Braylon's special needs. He has Retinopathy of Prematurity (vision loss) and Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia (chronic lung disease). (Braylon was born very premature.) So our bonding does not particularly involve sight. We must find other ways to form attachments.

The wonderful part is that this is going so well. We are blessed to have great resources to tap into here in Alabama. The Institute for the Deaf and Blind has been key in providing us with the tools to help Braylon achieve everything he possibly can in life. The PT has also been wonderful to work with so far. Our Children's Hospital in Birmingham has a phenomenal clinic that has been instrumental in giving our son the best care available. We have also found some wonderful friends in our area (even down the street!) who have children with similar needs.

After having our first post placement visit, we are feeling pretty good about things. We have a wonderful, supportive social worker who has been so good to us. She continues to help us with every step along the way. Overall, this experience has been like no other. Adoption has felt this way to me: very unnatural sometimes but in the very best way. I know that sounds crazy or even negative, but I do not mean it that way at all. It is truly the work of God. Simply that. No way around it. We would not trade one day during this journey. We have grown closer to each other as a family and closer to God. We are so grateful and honored that He blessed us with Braylon.

On a final note to this post, we wanted to share another miracle and blessing that God has chosen to bestow on our family during this Christmas season. We are expecting a new baby in June of 2011. We are so happy that God has graciously blessed us with another child. We are joining the elite club of the "large family" quickly! A club we have prayed to be a part of since we married. Thank you for continuing to pray for us. We know that our lives will not be without hardship and trials, but we would not trade it for the world.

Christmas Wishes

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Stever Family!

We are so very blessed. Thank you to all of the people who have supported us and loved us. We are grateful for all of you!

The Journey to Our Son - Part II

When does a mother of six who also works outside of the home full-time find time to blog? I want a solution! And it cannot involve staying up until 2:00 am to write!

This will be yet another part of our adoption story in a nutshell. We finally completed our home study and were planning on forwarding it to two different organizations who helped children with special needs find families. One even specifically works with children with Down Syndrome. We actually thought that we were specifically being called to adopt a child with Down Syndrome. We began to plan more fundraisers while we waited for a while (a year or more) to be contacted. We knew that we were approved to adopt a child with minimum / mild needs.

Our home study agency primarily works with international adoptions and domestic infant adoptions for infertile couples. They really do not have a "special needs adoption" program to speak of. They do have children become available from time to time who have very severe needs, but these children are usually cared for by experienced parents who have adopted before.

This is when we believe (including our wonderful social worker and staff) that God had His hands all over this adoption from the beginning! A child became available that was 18 months old with fairly manageable special needs. We were all very shocked, excited and cautious. Everything began to happen in a whirlwind! We met with this little boy and his foster mother at our agency. We read all of his medical and history that we could. We were counseled by our social worker and went home to talk together and pray for guidance.

We researched hundreds of websites, organizations, blogs, and resources which had information about his needs. Finally, my husband calmly and quietly stated this to me one day, "I just do not see one single reason that we should not adopt this child. I am strangely at peace after meeting him, discussing his needs and background, and praying about this. I think this is what we are meant to do." It was exactly what I was feeling.

So, we signed a mound of paperwork and received a mound of blessed information from his foster family, and we took our son home! We are in the process of finalizing his adoption. And.....this journey is far from over. I will chronicle some of the many challenges we have faced so far. These are not "negatives" by any means. But - I would like to say that there are many challenges and obstacles and a range of emotions that we never expected. I believe that the adoption of a special needs child is so unique. You can never really plan or prepare yourself for all that will happen or for all the things you will feel. I have experienced the birth of five children but am still amazed at the new, wonderful, blessed, painful, challenging things that I am experiencing. It is a journey like no other I have ever travelled.

God has been so good to our family. I am still so humbled and thankful to Him for all of my children. My husband and my children are truly the greatest people in my life. They are what makes me rich - rich in heritage, glory, and love. They are why I strive every day to become a little bit better. Thank you for following along with us. Part III is coming as soon as I can find time and words to write.

The Journey to Our Son - Part I

I am going to attempt to take you along our personal adoption journey. This post has been a work in progress for so long. I will begin with how God moved the hearts of my husband Matthew and I. He burdened our hearts for adoption through a picture of a Miss Corinna from Reece's Rainbow. Her beauty and the plight of the Ukrainian orphans pierced our very souls. We committed ourselves to God and answered His call to adopt. This began back in late summer/ early fall of 2009.

Along this journey, we have had the honor of meeting so many families - adopting both internationally and domestically. We began attending our local Down Syndrome Outreach Group and made several friends there who had adopted. We found an agency in Birmingham who would help us complete our home study. We then began our search for a placement agency. We learned that the Ukraine was quite concerned with the adoptive parents' mental illness history. This would prove to be a challenge as we have had some mild bouts with depression and such in our past. We were also very concerned about cost and the travel time / waiting periods that were involved in an adoption from the Ukraine. Having three children under the age of 5 at home would prove to be a difficult obstacle to travelling.

We began the daunting task of fundraising next. This was not an easy task and it would end up being a very challenging issue. Matthew and I are very independent and stubborn. We take care of our family together - most often only relying on each other for help. We do not ask for money. Period. But - as we learned, "God's Will, God's Bill." We swallowed that sinful pride, and told everyone about our desire to follow God's calling to adopt. We received a variety of responses. Some responded very warmly, some negatively, and some never replied at all. The most heartfelt responses we had were from total strangers - those adoptive families we had never even met. They embraced us and supported us both financially and through prayer and friendship.

To those of you that supported us and believed in us during this journey - we will never be able to thank you enough. Your generosity and kindness will always be remembered whenever we look at our son. You had somewhat blind faith in our family, and we will forever be in your debt. Thank you friends - we love you.

Our family worked very hard to fundraise - we sold t-shirts and children's books and coffee products. We also tried several other creative ideas. Throughout the entire adoption journey, we were concerned about travel. We always travel as an entire family but that seemed unrealistic when looking at the Ukraine. Not only did we lack a full-proof, long-term, reliable babysitter - we also were not comfortable leaving our young children for a long period of time. I believe that we began to reconsider our decision to adopt internationally during this time. We also believe that God - our Navigator - was steering us in the right direction - His direction for our family.

It boils down to this for us: all children, both domestically and abroad, are orphans if they are without a permanent family to care for them. We were never interested in adopting a "healthy, Caucasian infant" - indeed, we have 5 healthy, biological daughters. We have always been interested in adopting a child with special needs. This is what we believe God is calling us to do. For those of you who do not understand our calling to adopt, or who resent us and disagree with our calling - you are entitled to your opinions. However, please do not judge us for trying to follow God as His servants. We pray that we will be able to adopt again in the future for this has been one of the most meaningful, joyous, difficult, painful, extraordinary, blessed things we have ever done. We will always support our friends and fellow adoptive families in any way we can.

More in our next post about the specific road to our son, Braylon Matthew Stever.

Day of Celebration

32 years ago, a bouncing baby boy was born that would change my life forever. No, I am not speaking about one of my children. Matthew Allen Stever entered the world crying and making a fuss! Oh, what a beautiful day! I would not find out until years later that this would be the light of my life - my closest friend, my partner in crime, my husband, & father of my children. Several things come to mind:

"Love is first friendship and then commitment." --Jacques Pierre Ribault

Even though this is quoted all of the time, it truly explains our relationship.

"No, I don't understand my husband's theory of relativity, but I know my husband, and I know he can be trusted."
Elsa Einstein

If there is anything I know with 100% certainty, it is that my husband is trustworthy. Trust is a must for my husband - he must trust you in a relationship. He will always tell you the truth.

"Opening her eyes again, and seeing her husband's face across the table, she leaned forward to give it a pat on the cheek, and sat down to supper, declaring it to be the best face in the world."- Charles Dickens

This is too sweet for some, but it is really how I feel about him. He does have the best face in the world to me!

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Again, may be corny to some, but this summarizes the effect my husband has on me. I AM a better woman, better wife, and better mother because of him. He holds me up, stands beside me and behind me, stands in front of me when he needs to, and carries me when I need him to do so. He lets me be myself ALWAYS.

Thank you God for blessing this world with Matthew Stever - my forever love. Our lives are richer and fuller because you are here with us. I love you.

Wedding Day Pictures June 2010

K

A

A & M

Family including new Son-in-law

Family

K & A

Blessings to You!

Talking the Talk - Time to Walk

It has been way too long since I blogged about anything! I guess there has been so much going on in our household that I just couldn't find time. Really though, we have been going through so many changes that once I begin a post, I have to erase it and begin another. Then, more of the same. These are good changes and are more like growing pains I guess.

God really has worked with our family. He has been with us the whole time on this journey - for almost a year! We have completed our home study and are waiting on an official approved copy. Can you believe that? We have a situation that has arisen that we are not ready to share yet. We are in the midst of a frenzy of prayers right now, and we ask you - our friends and family - to join with us and pray to our Father on our behalf. Pray for clear heads, open hearts, loving arms, adequate funds, unconditional acceptance, and smooth processes.

Sorry to be vague, but we are not at our point of clarity just yet. God is working out the details for us. So, we will give you an update on where the Stever Family is heading as soon as we know! Thank you all for your support this last year. It means everything to us and we still need it more than ever! Please continue to share our fundraisers listed on our blog with others as well.

I would like to close with an expression of my love, respect, grief, and celebration for a little angel named Selah. Her family's blog is called His hands His Feet Today. If you visit, remember to offer encouraging words - no negative comments should come near this family as I am very protective of them! They are another family similar to the Pattersons that truly inspire me and make me want to be better. They live the example of unconditional love. They truly believe that all life is precious and that all children deserve to live and die in the arms of a family. Thank you to them for showing us how God wants us to love. Bless little Selah for touching the hearts of so many.

A Family Who Needs Us

Friends:

I was fortunate enough to run across a blog that has captured my heart. This family has the strength of a million soldiers. They are fighting a war for their daughter Ashley's life and the battle is bloody and difficult and ugly. I have been praying for this little girl and her family and thinking about what I can do for them. They do not know me and I have never met them. I have only become acquainted with their lives through this blog.

The parents have tremendous faith and strength. They will never give up on their beautiful little girl's life. They are a shining example of the power of love and family for us all. I am humbled by their struggles and feel so honored that they would share the intimate details of their horribly painful battle with us. Yet - they hold up hope and faith that their daughter will live. They will not entertain the idea of giving up.

Please I implore you to pray Ashley's family. Pray for continued strength to endure this pain. Pray for their precious daughter as she fights for life. They are a hard-working family that will do whatever it takes to sustain her life.

I am forever changed by having known about their lives. Dear Lord, please give this family strength and healing and surround them with Your love.

Stepping Forward in Faith

I have been experiencing a true "inner struggle" for a while now. I have happened upon several really inspirational blogs of families who are dealing with special needs. They are shining examples of the family I want be. They accepted God's call to parent their children NO MATTER WHAT. NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS. They did not place limits on what they would accept. They did not question for one minute what God was asking of them. They faced their fears of the unknown head-on.

I am ashamed to admit that every now and then something bad tempts me to question what special needs our family can handle. Can I truly handle parenting a child that has a terminal illness? Or don't all of us as God's children have an expiration date on our bodies? Deep stuff for me to ponder! I think it is putting my faith to the test - the test of a lifetime.

I'm sure that no one in their right mind wants to say goodbye to a young child. Death is difficult and painful enough right? But the death of our child......well - really God's child. We are here to parent and love and support and care for our children. But they are all our adopted children, aren't they? This is really really hard for me to grasp because the experience of growing a baby in your womb, carrying that baby, nourishing them and giving birth to them - life! Well, let me tell you it is like nothing else. It truly is MIRACULOUS.

Since I was 18 years old, I have spent my life protecting my children and keeping them from harm, sickness, danger, and meanness. Knowingly accepting a child into our family (whether by adoption or birth) that has life-threatening, or at the least, life challenging medical needs is quite terrifying to me. I know it is selfish and weak - believe me I pray for strength every night.

I just wanted to share these fears with all of my blog friends because I hope that you have felt something similar and understand me. I need your prayers to give me strength of body, mind, and spirit. I know that God has big wonderful things in store for us! I pray that we will be worthy of His plans and take that step forward even though there is risk involved.

Better Than A New Car!

http://www.reecesrainbow.org/havegrantwilltravel.html

Okay - If this doesn't bring me out of hiding to blog, then nothing will! What better way to spend $20,000 than to save a child from death! Join me in a prayer of thanks for the donor who decided that this precious and beautiful little boy deserved life more than he/she needed some material "thing." God bless you!

Look at that face! Please step up if you are able and bring this baby home!

Prayer Request

Yes - I am still blogging and we are still on our adoption journey! I have been spending some quiet time in prayer with God for the last couple of weeks.I have been feeling that His plans for our family are taking a turn. He is showing me the path and I am seeking advice and assistance from our social worker on this. We are at a cross road right now - not a bad one though. Just a detour or a different view.

Would you please pray for our family? We need for you to pray that we will receive the guidance and trust in God that we need to continue on our adoption journey. We have been called to be the family to a special needs child. Please pray that our Lord will provide all the means needed to do just that!

Blessings to you all - your prayers mean the world to us!

Time for Reflection

Haven't posted in a while. God has been calling me to reflect recently. After praying for several families losing their precious children and enduring so much hardship, I have been turning inward to reflect on my blessings. I also feel that God is building up to show our family something very BIG and DIFFERENT somehow. Do you ever receive feelings like this after prayers and talks with God? The more I really talk to Him and the more I become quiet and listen (okay, this is a tough one for me), the more He reveals to me. I am unsure what twists and turns He has in store just yet, but I am eagerly awaiting.

All I can explain is this: We are moving towards a big change. Don't have a clue what kind of change. I still know that we are called to adopt. I just think that God is about to shake things up a bit. Even though it scares me to death, I am so excited! We began on a journey, but we are in for an adventure...........of a lifetime! I will blog about whatever happens when or if it happens. I do feel changes inside of me. I feel like I am preparing to be used for something great!

Thank you Father for using me! I am so blessed and honored to serve as Your daughter, a mother, and a wife. Please show me how to do what You need me to do. As always, we appreciate all of your prayers for our family! Be blessed!

Stepping Up To the Plate

From my devotional prayer :

"In this spiritual journey, God wants to know whether you'll trust Him when He calls you to do the impossible. It's easy to make trust an easy word to utter, but when your name is called and your assignment is given, what will you do then? What if God called you into something that wasn't glamorous? What if you were called to leave your comfortable salary and position and start an outreach ministry? Whatever God's called you to do, I hope you'll listen to Him and go for it. If you're wrestling with your call, you need to know God will provide. You may have to make some sacrifices and compromises, but I assure you, God will take care of you. Here's a little hint for you. When you show God how faithful and committed you are to Him, that's when He'll open up the windows of heaven and pour you down some blessings."

Here we are Lord. Ready to serve You. Ready to carry out Your plans for us. We accept our assignment and will do our very best for You. While we are not perfect, we were made in Your image so we are good. Please help us along the way - we really need you. Hear our cries for mercy and endurance. We have hearts that are burdened by Your children - especially the orphans of the Ukraine. Help us help them.

A Princess Dancing

I think we are all grieving the loss of "our" Serbian Princess Chrissie. I cannot help but feel distraught because I am only human. I cry for her mother, Lorraine, because I am a mother too. I cry for her short life because she just received her chance of a "real" life with a loving family here in the US. I cry because she fought and fought and suffered - all with that tiny little body. A body not unlike my 4 year old's body - I cry selfishly because it could be my child one day.

Then, I try to hang on for dear life to my faith - my unsteady, faltering, imperfect-but-still-here faith. I know that her life was worth far more than anyone will really ever know. Chrissie touched thousands of families all over the world. The Pattersons are an example of the kind of family that I want to surround my children with. This is it my fellow daughters and sons of God! It doesn't get more real than this, does it?

Deep inside, this is why adoption terrifies me. I am so weak and so human. I am afraid that adopting a special needs child may place our family in the exact position that the Pattersons are in. I may have to let go of my child before I am ready! However, isn't this a possibility every day with every single member of our families? We do not know what the future holds here on earth. We MUST have faith in something more.

The really important things in life, the greatest battles, the greatest victories, the greatest and deepest love is found when we let go and take that chance. So, our family will do just that. Thanks be to our Father for placing families such as the Pattersons in our paths. Hug your children and hold on for dear life! Every moment with our loved ones is pure gold and so precious! Please join with us in praying for the Patterson Family.

Show Your Support NOW!

Dear friends and family:

If we are indeed Christians, we cannot close our eyes. The vast number of homeless children is just too apparent. Wake up everyone! Stand up and make a difference! If you cannot or will not adopt, then support a family that can! It takes all of us - God's Body of Christ - to rescue the innocent and give them homes and love.

My dear friend Tina Kacirek has rekindled a fire inside of me! The Kacirek Family is such a beautiful example of being obedient and following God's plans for His people. I am inspired by their example every day - they amaze me! Thank you Tina for reminding me again (when I needed it most) that what we are doing is saving lives!

So please - I implore you and beg you to search your hearts for God's Spirit. Help an adoptive family TODAY! Do not wait for His children live on borrowed time. They are alone, cold, hungry, and our responsibility. Do not turn away! Support adoption! If you feel inspired to help our family adoption, we will be forever grateful and pray for all of you. If not us, then choose one of the hundreds of families who need your donations.

Pray for all of the families who are being obedient to God's calling to rescue His children. Do not ask "Why?" and do not recommend "Let someone else do it!" Give them your unconditional love and support - step out in faith today!

Handing It Over In Prayer

A friend sent me the following song lyrics:

Don't Pray and Worry

(Recorded by J. Moss)(Written by James Moss)

He knows all that's before you

He will never neglect His child

Nor will ignore tears in your eyes

Lay your cares to rest

Chorus:

The righteous won't be forsaken

Just hold to your faith

And His word will be manifested

Be steadfast and don't fear

Don't pray and worry

Why is it that we will spend time

going to church but don't understand why

Why we must pray

And then believe things we pray for will soon be received

The prayers of the righteous availeth much

Be not weary in well doing

God of Heaven can do anything

Lay your cares to rest

For the righteous

Chorus:

He who holds the future

Also rules this land

And responsible for each breath we take

Just pray and then leave it there

Pray and then leave it there

Maybe you've lost all hope

And can't see past tomorrow

Speak His word into your life

And stand on His promise to you

This is a beautiful song, isn't it? I love the idea of "praying and leaving it there!" Our family is going through a time of waiting - waiting on the adoption process, waiting on our daughter's wedding, waiting on a possible job opportunity. It is the most difficult thing for me personally. I can pray for others - no problem. But trying to pray for God's will for our family and our needs is so difficult for me! I always try to be in control even when I know that I have NO control at all. It is all up to God - He knows what is best for our family and He has a divine plan for us.

Please continue to pray for our family - we appreciate all of your support so much! May God bless you as well especially if you are experiencing the same kind of waiting in your prayers.

Happy Mothers Day

Quoted by Dr William Sears MD (one of my favorites):

"Having dedicated over 40 years of my life to working with and helping moms, I’m still in awe of one special mother, my wife Martha. I personally wish each of you a blessed Mother’s Day and thought I’d share a Mother’s Day story that has stuck with me through the years. One of my favorite Mother’s Day memories involves a situation when a person once challenged my wife Martha about about having so many kids and contributing to the world’s overpopulation, Martha quipped: 'the world needs my children!' The world needs your children too! Love, nourish and cherish them. "

I love this! What will society become if there are no families? No children? The family unit is the core of all existence. Within the heart of the family lives God our Father. I, for one, cherish each and every one of my children and those that God has chosen for me in the future! Give thanks to God Almighty for big families with loving members!